Porn is fantasy. It’s a rich and beautiful art wrought from sexual desire, glamor, fashion, and pure imagination. While pornographic sex is not a guidebook to real and meaningful sex, sharing porn in the bedroom can have a positive and transformative effect on our sex lives.

Communication

Talking about sex is awkward, and porn can help. While some XXX techniques are best left to the pros, a lot of positions and methods are accessible to us mere mortals as well. If a picture is worth a thousand words, imagine how helpful a shared video can be to inspire creativity in the bedroom. In the words of erotic photographer Stefan (@SWLPhotographic) of SWL Photographic, “Watching porn together, or simply having porn on in the background while we work, adds an extra dynamic to our sex life.”

I spoke to Jim Steele (@TheJimSteele) from BlueMoviePR; he feels that “the conversation around pornography often leans towards the negative. Many argue it distorts our views on intimacy and fuels unrealistic expectations. But amidst all the chatter, there's a quieter story that really deserves our attention—the potential for pornography actually to enhance relationships and boost sexual well-being.”

When it comes to communication, Steele observes, “For many couples I know, watching porn together has opened up new paths for communication that might have otherwise stayed hidden. I truly believe that when consumed responsibly and with consent, pornography can be a powerful tool for education and exploration, leading to a more fulfilling sex life.”

Upcoming XXX writer Elite Pornstars (@pornstar_elite) considers porn to be a love language.

“One of the ways I tell my wife that I love her is by telling her what scenes we could enjoy together! It has been quite a while since either of us has watched a scene alone because why would we? If we enjoy something, we share it with the people we love, and for us, that is watching and enjoying beautiful people fuck. It is our way of telling each other, “Hey, these people might be beautiful and all glammed up, but, for me, I’d rather have you in all these ways and more.“

Catherine Duffy (@whoreuro), of Whoreuro.com, agrees. 

“I'm on the Autism spectrum, and communicating properly with neurotypical people had been a crippling aspect of my early sex life. Porn, however, changed all of that. By connecting with like-minded porn lovers, I found all communication barriers vanquished in the midst of smut-fuelled sex. In turn, my confidence skyrocketed, further fuelling my sexual audacity. Autism be damned, we're bonded by porn.”

Technique

Porn sex is as awesome as it is entertaining, and as a porn insider, I’m still witnessing new ways stars perform and portray sex! While the techniques aren’t for everybody, pornstars can certainly inspire innovation. Catherine Duffy has reaped the rewards of pornographic inspiration:

“If she can do it, then so can I. It's what went through my mind prior to pulling off my first double anal penetration. I'd watched a young Czech porn newbie do it, and I'd be damned if I was to be outdone by a girl nearly half my age. Porn has pushed me into being increasingly audacious in my sex life and ticking off sexual bucket list items that most women wouldn't even dream of doing. From strolling into the seediest porn cinemas imaginable as a lone female to enduring the intensity of a forty-man gangbang in Germany, the increasingly hardcore elements of porn have made me audacious in my pursuits to live out what I see on screen for real.”

It doesn’t have to be wild and hardcore, either. Elite used his knowledge of porn sex to woo his wife:

“I met my now wife at a friend’s party. A nice, attractive woman with a pleasant smile, the kind that you know, has a lot hidden behind it. We hit it off, and A couple of dates later, things really got going when she chose to spend the night together. Now, as a guy, it felt like a matter of duty to leave her satisfied whichever way the night went, and the way it went was with us in the bed, all over each other, less than 10 minutes after we entered the apartment. And one of the ways I tried satisfying her was by trying to implement the lessons porn had taught me(or I thought I'd learned) over a decade plus of viewing. The hip movements, the brief pause between thrusts, the lack of eagerness to get off, etc., and while all the lessons weren’t implemented as expected, because news flash, not a pornstar, the ones that did work, really worked. I still get told that one of the reasons I got dates three, four, five, and beyond was how the night of date two went. Could be a lie, though; it could just have been my charming personality at work.”

I also learned a few techniques from porn to make it last. Behind-the-scenes clips and casual fuck-fests like the Bellesa House Party series taught me the importance of breaks and making frequent position changes. Not only does it keep things interesting, but it allows you to cool down when things are getting too heated. And male pornstars have also taught me tricks to keep going, like squeezing and tensing to stave off that inevitable orgasm. Then, there’s Keiran Lee’s method of doing mental math to keep the mind from getting too aroused.

The key is to be studious, as Catherine Duffy explains, “From sloppy top that leaves me kneeling in a sordid puddle of my own slobber to delivering impromptu ass-to-mouth blowjobs that leave my ass-fucking lover as shocked as he is aroused, I study the techniques of pornstars closely and take notes to deliver what I call ''porn-grade debauchery'' in the bedroom. They're the kind of techniques that leave my lovers hooked on my cunt, rather than a one-off ten-minute jaunt as so many other women experience and somehow class as a 'sex life.'”

Foreplay and Exploration

There’s something special about watching porn with your partner. Seeing professional artists, fuck is quite the turn-on. I enjoy streaming spicy scenes to our bedroom TV in the evening and viewing porn on the big screen in the afternoon. Not only is it beautiful and entertaining, but it often brings about touching, cuddling, fondling, and casual sex galore.

Elite thinks about it differently:

“The way we think of foreplay is that it is everything: every single action that comes before that final orgasmic quiver in each other’s arms. Thought that way, foreplay suddenly becomes a day-wide activity and not something you think about and do an hour before sex.

One of the things I did this year, influenced by our shared love for porn and pornstars, was buy my wife an outfit for her birthday and buy one of our favorite stars the same outfit too. I kept it a surprise till the birthday and presented the outfit to her with the star’s picture, dressed up in that outfit, hidden within the folds of the dress. Then we proceeded to make love with her wearing that particular outfit. It's safe to say it went down very well. This kind of “foreplay” takes days, and I wouldn’t have thought of it if not for porn and the thoughts it gives birth to in our minds.”

Porn reminds us of our sexual nature and inspires us to explore it dutifully. According to Elite, “Porn is as varied as there are colors in this universe.” Indeed, porn is a vastly creative and diverse art, and it can be a powerful inspiration for new and unique sexual shenanigans.

He goes on to share, “This year, we finally dipped our collective toes into Anal, and there’s no one we can credit for that except watching Brenna McKenna perform on our screens day in and day out. The excitement of trying something that our favorite stars do is always quite an incentive, and porn has been that for us.”

Fitness to Fuck

Porn fandom suffers from a lot of the negative stereotypes that gamers used to endure. Bad habits, laziness, unhealthy lifestyles, and all sorts of nonsense. By now, the advent of streaming and the mainstreaming of gaming culture have vastly changed, if not completely shattered, those perceptions. But porn fans are still deeply misunderstood, as Catherine Duffy observes.

“The critics say that ''porn conjures unrealistic body expectations for women.'' And when people envision Goonettes, they tend to imagine that it's an unhealthy lifestyle, but I couldn't disagree more. To keep up with the demands of a porn-fuelled lifestyle, one must be in good physical shape. I'm in my mid-thirties, and I pride myself on being able to ride for longer, harder, and in more positions than a 19-year-old. I hit the gym often, and seeing the results of my hard work play out in bed through unleashing the kind of sexual stamina that makes people's eyes widen, and cocks drain forms some of my greatest motivations to stay fit and healthy. “

Elite takes it a step further, emphasizing how porn encourages sexual health.

“One of the things that has been a welcome addition in our lives after our whole-hearted acceptance of porn is the increased focus on sexual well-being and cleanliness. As much fun as Anal is, the amount of work it takes pre and post-sex might just make it the cleanest part of our bodies. More than that, personally, for me, having to share my body with another person, especially who has seen what porn cleanliness looks like, is quite an incentive for maintaining extreme cleanliness at all times. Safe to say, as a porn-positive couple, we are cleaner and dirtier than most, as the needs be.”

Porn is a beautiful thing, and it can have a positive effect when shared openly and honestly within your relationship. But, as with any relationship, you’ve got to maintain a baseline of trust. While porn in the bedroom can spice things up, Steele warns that dishonesty could create problems. “if you find yourself sneaking peeks at adult content away from your partner or, even worse, lying about what excites you, that's where the real issues can begin.”

Steele councils, “I encourage you to have those open conversations with your partner and to invite them to share their thoughts with you too. Remember, regardless of whether pornography is involved, honesty should always be your top priority in a relationship. When you maintain open communication and ensure everyone is on the same page, not only can porn enhance your connection, but the thrill of having open dialogue—whether or not porn is part of the picture—will ignite a spark like throwing gasoline onto a fire.”

Special thanks to Catherine Duffy, Elite Pornstars, and Jim Steele for contributing to this piece.